"Everyone Has a Bit of ADHD"... No, They Bloody Don't

If I had a pound for every time someone responded to my ADHD diagnosis with "oh yeah, I'm so forgetful too, I think I might have it," I could probably afford private healthcare. Which, given NHS waiting times, would be genuinely useful.

I know people mean well. I do. But there's something uniquely exhausting about sharing a part of your neurological reality and having it immediately reflected back at you as a personality quirk everyone relates to.

ADHD is not a vibe. It is not a cute way of saying you lost your keys twice this week or that you find long meetings boring. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is a neurodevelopmental condition. That means it's rooted in how the brain is literally structured and wired, in differences in dopamine regulation, in the way the prefrontal cortex functions. It is present from birth. It doesn't come and go depending on whether you had a good night's sleep.

Yes, everyone loses focus sometimes. Yes, everyone procrastinates occasionally. But there is a significant difference between finding it hard to concentrate on a dull task and being genuinely unable to start a task your brain has decided is unrewarding, even when the consequences of not doing it are serious. There's a difference between forgetting where you put your phone and forgetting important appointments, conversations, and commitments, not because you don't care, but because your working memory genuinely does not retain information the way other people's does.

The "everyone's a bit ADHD" narrative is harmful in ways that are easy to miss. It minimises the experiences of people who struggled for years, often decades, without any explanation or support. It makes it harder to take the condition seriously, both personally and professionally. It contributes to a culture where people with ADHD are expected to "just try harder" or "get organised" as if that's something we simply haven't thought of. Believe me, we've tried the planner. We've tried the lists. We've tried getting up earlier, going to bed at the same time, cutting out caffeine. We've tried everything you're about to suggest.

There's also a particular frustration for those of us diagnosed later in life. We spent years being told we were bright but unfocused, scatty, disorganised, too emotional, too much. We developed elaborate coping mechanisms just to get through ordinary days. We internalised the idea that we were fundamentally failing at being a functioning adult. And then we got diagnosed, and suddenly there was a reason for all of it. A real, neurological reason.

So when someone responds to that with "oh, I'm like that too sometimes," it doesn't land the way they intend.

You can absolutely struggle with focus without having ADHD. You can be forgetful and disorganised and still be neurotypical. None of that is in question. But ADHD is a specific condition with specific diagnostic criteria, and it has a real, measurable impact on people's lives: their careers, their relationships, their finances, their mental health, their self-esteem.

It deserves to be taken seriously. Not because those of us who have it need to be seen as more broken than anyone else, but because understanding it properly is the only way to actually help.

So next time someone tells you they have ADHD, maybe skip the "same!" and go with "that sounds tough, tell me more." You'll be surprised how much that matters.